Today we went to a wedding. It was one of the coolest experiences ever. I was wary, I always am, of going to these kind of fancy things. I spent pretty much every day since we got the invitation trying to figure out what to wear. I finally found the right outfit...a lovely purple cardigan sweater over a cream colored dress that has all these beautiful flowers on it. I added navy blue leggings because it was cold and I wanted to cover the majority of my leg tattoos.
So we got to this church, which is not old at all but was built to look old and fit in...which is nice. It was built in 1959. My guess, though I have no info to back this up, is that it most likely was built to replace something that was destroyed during WWII. This was the time frame in which that was done. At any rate.
The name of the church was St. Hedwig's. I know this is blasphemy sort of...but...I could not help but think of Harry Potter and his snowy owl.
The invitation was in French, English and German. So that was a hint that we were in for a very culture rich experience. Danny told me that the Groom is from Africa, we still aren't actually sure where the Bride originates from. There were guests from all over though. It was seriously so cool to be able to see so many different cultures and people coexisting so beautifully. It was awesome. I had a really good time just sitting back and watching. I guess it was the Sociology Major in me. I liked watching the African aspect the most...I've been able to watch Europeans so much while we've been here...and the French aspect of things was tied in with the African...so it was something new for me. At the end of the traditional ceremony there was some...I don't know what to call it. Tribal...yelling? Almost like Native American sounds you'd see on a documentary or old West show. There was also an old style broom in the courtyard and they Bride and Groom jumped over it as part of a ritual. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumping_the_broom So cool. I told Danny he needs to find out where they are from in the least obtrusive way possible so that I can find out more about their heritages...this stuff seriously interests me.
It was all very cool. I'm sure I'll go to other beautiful weddings. And I'm sure that I'll attend other fun weddings, more lovely and beautiful weddings. But I'm not sure anything can top 3 languages and all the culture in one place.
By all means, single friends, please try!! I will show up and check it out for sure.
I guess I should end this and watch the rest of my weird show (Fringe)...hope everyone has a lovely evening!!
Word.
July 2, 2011
June 24, 2011
Deployments 101: SURVIVAL
I am writing this because there are some women I know that are facing their a new obstacle, something they haven't had to deal with. We are in a unique position. We are in a foreign country. That makes it both more exiting AND a little more worrisome. There are several steps to making a deployment easier. Some seem painfully obvious, some maybe not so much. Obviously each person needs to take what they need and ignore the rest, and also read with an open mind. I am writing these, partially “tongue in cheek” but mostly from the heart. There is some silliness thrown in just to keep it interesting but I am also keeping it real. There will be no sugar coating just to make it easy. I might leave out some thing but I will tell you that I have been sad etc. Grab a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate...some cookies...maybe some popcorn...and settle down. This is going to be long.
1. Make sure you have a good support system of fellow Military spouses. Your childhood best friends and your family members are awesome support but they do not understand the same way that other people that are going through or have been through a deployment will. The friends and family that you share history with can offer support in other ways, keep them close also! Don't discount them in any way. Try not to roll your eyes when they say that they know how you feel. If a family member tries to compare their spouses road trip to your spouses deployment, don't shut them down mid sentence. Maybe they have good advice on how to deal with separations. Some of the way I handle myself was learned from my ex-Step-Father being a long haul truck driver for most of my childhood and adult life (from 7-21). No, it's not the same. His life was rarely in danger (though, hitting a Moose in Colorado did total his truck and he did roll it several times...not to mention HORRIBLE road rage and LA Gang encounters...but it's not the same). I still stand by the fact that having Military spouses as a support system will help you greatly.
2. In-Laws. Try not to get too upset about your in-law's maybe involvement. Parents, miss their kids…if you are a parent try to imagine how would you would feel. Put yourself in their shoes. I have seen this happen. At times, the in-laws may make the deployed spouses absence be about them when you're feeling that it's more about you (and your children if you have them). This isn't a fight you need to have. The best answer is to ignore it. Do not add this stress to your spouse. Keep in mind that you love your children and you love your spouse but you don’t love your kids like you love your husband. It’s not the same love, it's different. Your in-laws feel the same way. They're having strong emotions about their baby (yes, baby), fears and anxiety. Let it go and do your best to ignore it. Take a shot, drink a glass of wine...hang up the phone...whatever you have to do. Make up an excuse...just get away from the situation. But as annoying as it is, you know the truth...your nuclear family is the most important thing to stay strong for. Don't let anything get in the way of that.
3. Drink. Don't over do it. Don't develop a problem, and if you have one, get help. There are resources. But for the love of Pete, let loose and have a little fun. Drink wine. Find a beer you like! We're in Germany right now, chances are, even if you haven't found a beer you liked before...you may be able to here! The same goes for hard liquor and drinks. Please drink responsibly. That means make sure you never drink and drive, ever. Taxis are a must. If you're going to drink with a group of friends, a DD is the best cheapest way to go but if no one volunteers, TAXI. They are abundant here. If you're drinking at a friends house, stay in...slumber party!!! Sounds like fun to me!! Do no risk anyone's life. Make this fun, not stupid. This all brings me to the next segment...
4. Do not listen to rumors. About anyone. But especially about yourself. And even more importantly, about your spouse. If you hear something, let it go...unless you can't. If you can't, ask your spouse DIRECTLY...not someone else. It’s important to live a clean life, above reproach, so make sure to follow the rule of accountability. That will put any rumors to rest. It will also help to discuss that with your spouse. If you are planning on going out even just to restaurants or something…it’s good to have a friend with you that you trust and will be a good witness. It’s more important if you’re going to a club or bar to have that, a group of friends is good also, friends that are honorable of course. If someone has to come to your house to, say, work on your car, or something…a man, have a friend there. That way no one can say, “A man was in your house!” etc. Accountability. It squashes rumors before they can start. That’s if you don’t work under the - “I don’t give a - “ - about rumors, of course. Don’t listen to rumors when it gets closer to the time of them coming back. When you hear official dates, believe it. Until then, don’t believe it. And even then…don’t tell your kids until you know for sure. Times and dates change regularly and you do not want disappointed crying kids. You also don’t want “is it time yet? Is it time yet? Now? Now? Now?!” every 30 minutes. It will drive you crazy and cause your anxiety to go through the roof. I promise.
5. Don’t be super woman. Because you're not. I mean most likely. I guess Super Woman might be reading this (Hey girl, heeyyyyy!) but...well...probably not. If you need help, ask for it. This one I know from personal experience. I was the "never says no" girl. Shh, don't start that rumor {see #4}. You need me to organize and entire Christmas in September semi-Formal before a deployment with a woman that had a Gastric Bypass the month prior? Just me and her to do the whole thing? Sure, we'll do it! You need me to watch your kids? Okay! Cut your grass? Sure! FRG treasurer, POC, CO-leader? OK! Would you like me to shine-your-shoes-wipe-your-nose-rub-your-belly also? There was more. I did it all. That particular deployment I hit major burn out. (This was deployment #3...you'd think I would have learned by then...that's a not so much). I ran myself into the ground and I hit full force. I ignored every single rule except one I'll get to later (one you've all heard which is why I haven't even mentioned it yet). Here comes a hard admission. Are you ready? I wound up checking myself into a place called Lighthouse. It was a psychiatric evaluation unit. I have no shame in this, it's just not something I typically blast. The reason I am is because it's important. IF YOU NEED HELP, GET HELP. This was a 15month deployment. I crashed and burned in month 14. I could not do it any more and when I hit, I hit hard. All those people I helped? They couldn't find the time to help me at that point...and the few that could...well by the time they realized I needed help I was beyond their help. This specific deployment saw several suicides of spouses at the post I was at. I assume it was similar reasons, but I don't know for sure. Again. You are not Super Woman. If you need a break, TAKE ONE. If you need someone to take your kids for a couple of hours, ASK. If you need help GET HELP! (I told you I wasn't going to hide or sugar coat things...)
6. Go on trips! If you’re afraid to go alone, don’t. Go in groups, car pool, caravan or go with MWR. We have a unique and special opportunity being here. This is an awesome time to travel and be able to experience things. Take this time to explore!!
7. This one is hard. Try not to begrudge someone else for having their spouse home. As hard as it will be, try not to make someone else feel bad that their husband is home just because yours isn’t. Believe me, this may come up. I have seen it...and the way that things are right now...I can see it becoming an issue. I personally would never wish anyone's child to be without their Father. While I'm aware that it happens and it happens daily, I would never wish it on anyone. If my child has to be without her Father, well it sucks, but I'm glad that our friends get to have theirs home. Plus if I have any heavy lifting done, I know who to call. It's a hard mindset to get into. But being Bitter Bessy never helped anyone and that kind of attitude hurts everyone, including the children but especially friendships.
8. Don’t burn bridges but know when to be strong enough to end friendships that are toxic. Had I followed this simple rule, my little 72hour jaunt to the nut-hut may not have happened. Toxic friendships have no need to continue. Everyone knows what they look like. If you don't, watch Mean Girls. Actually there are a lot of Hollywood movies with examples of toxic friendships. But you all know what I'm talking about, I'm sure you can take a look around yourselves, look at some past relationships of your own. I have a strong belief in not burning bridges. There is no reason to destroy another human being. You can end a friendship without destroying someone. You don't have to tear someone down to lose contact. Google ways to end friendships, try adding the word "etiquette"...it makes a difference. Yes, I Googled it myself. No, I'm not linking it. You know why? Cause you can do it yourself. (inside joke hehehe)
9. Try to keep things as light as possible when talking to your spouse. As hard as it may be do not ALWAYS make things doom and gloom. Of course tell him if things really are wrong but if things are horrible every time he calls his head will not be in the game and that could put him in danger. If at all possible, when there are problems...try to make it more of a..."this is what happened and this is how I solved it..." kind of thing. If that's possible. If it's not possible, that's okay too. That's not always possible. Also, write emails! Lots of emails! If your kids are old enough, let them also! Even if you don't have much to say. Anything. The new episode of Desperate Housewives was good? Tell him. He doesn't care? So what, he likes getting mail. We have free APO to APO. Write him letters. Lots of letters. Letters are probably better than emails, really. Physical mail...touching things. A little spray of perfume...Perfection!!
10. Pick a day...once a month, once every 2 months...once a week...whatever you're comfortable with...and pamper yourself. However you want. Get a massage. See a movie. Go to dinner with your girlfriends. Go dancing. Get your hair done. Get your nails done. Get a tattoo (what, I'm the only one that sees that as pampering!?!??). Take a really long bubble bath with candles and music. Whatever makes you say, "Ahhhhhhhh...." and relaxes you. Ooooh, karaoke night!! I have friends that love that. Sidetracked. A you day. We do things to distract our children regularly. Kids having an off day? To the park! Kids having a bad day? A toy will help! The kid misses Daddy? Oh let's watch a movie! Well what about Mommy?
11. Don’t watch the news. If you can avoid it…do. Our news access isn’t so bad because we have a very varied channel but it’s still not something I’d recommend. I nearly drove myself crazy during OIF1. I was glued to the TV. As a matter of fact, I learned that 101st as a Division had orders from the news (as did most of 101st lol). I also learned when the war started from the news. When we declared war to begin with. The list goes on. All of that was at the mall, I might add. I stopped going into the Gyro shop for their cheap diet Coke cause their TV was always on CNN and it was always in there that we found stuff out. Bad news I tell you.
12. Obviously, stay busy. This one everyone will tell you. You've heard this one so many times you could say it in your sleep. You're probably sick of hearing it. OIF1 my friend and I began organizing mini rallies. Support The Troops rallies. All over Clarksville, TN. We stood outside the gates with signs, we posted all over AOL (yes, that's how long ago it was) and Friendster (yup, that's how long ago it was) and we would go stand outside the US Cav store or right outside the gates with whoever would show up. Sometimes people would just pull over and stand out there with us. Eventually we planned a major nation wide rally, Operation Yellow Ribbon. It happened all over, across the country, and our part was in Washington DC. That's how we stayed busy through the first deployment we went through. Planning kept us busy through the time that we didn't know anything about what was happening, there was no contact for MONTHS. There were no phone lines, no internet connections. They lucky guys were sleeping in their trucks, the unlucky ones were digging holes to sleep in, then driving at very slow paces from the port to wherever their final destinations may be. It was dangerous and painstakingly slow. We stayed busy, alright. But not like I did later on.
Let me end by saying, Lighthouse wasn't scary at all. It wasn't a Girl, Interrupted or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest type of place. It was very clean and pretty nice. The beds were the worst part, they were about as comfortable as the Army loaner beds we got in housing here. The food was spectacular, I was a Vegetarian at the time so I got *special food (I'm special, psh)...and I was finally diagnosed with PTSD and got the help I needed for those issues. I have been dealing with the issues I've had with PTSD (from childhood trauma) in non- healthy ways. Now I not only know how to say no, but I stand up for myself, not just other people (I've always been the anti-bully bully, I bully bullies lol). I wouldn't change where I went for anything...I just wish I'd gotten there in a different manner, I guess. It was a mostly Military facility. There was one guy in there that was...a little scary...but he was a Vietnam Vet, homeless, and they had him in there because he had demetia and it was winter. When he had a lucid moment he was BRILLIANT. When he didn't...he was a tad scary. But all the shelters were full, the aide was telling me about it.
At any rate...please direct any questions to my inbox...comments, feel free to leave anywhere :)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. Make sure you have a good support system of fellow Military spouses. Your childhood best friends and your family members are awesome support but they do not understand the same way that other people that are going through or have been through a deployment will. The friends and family that you share history with can offer support in other ways, keep them close also! Don't discount them in any way. Try not to roll your eyes when they say that they know how you feel. If a family member tries to compare their spouses road trip to your spouses deployment, don't shut them down mid sentence. Maybe they have good advice on how to deal with separations. Some of the way I handle myself was learned from my ex-Step-Father being a long haul truck driver for most of my childhood and adult life (from 7-21). No, it's not the same. His life was rarely in danger (though, hitting a Moose in Colorado did total his truck and he did roll it several times...not to mention HORRIBLE road rage and LA Gang encounters...but it's not the same). I still stand by the fact that having Military spouses as a support system will help you greatly.
2. In-Laws. Try not to get too upset about your in-law's maybe involvement. Parents, miss their kids…if you are a parent try to imagine how would you would feel. Put yourself in their shoes. I have seen this happen. At times, the in-laws may make the deployed spouses absence be about them when you're feeling that it's more about you (and your children if you have them). This isn't a fight you need to have. The best answer is to ignore it. Do not add this stress to your spouse. Keep in mind that you love your children and you love your spouse but you don’t love your kids like you love your husband. It’s not the same love, it's different. Your in-laws feel the same way. They're having strong emotions about their baby (yes, baby), fears and anxiety. Let it go and do your best to ignore it. Take a shot, drink a glass of wine...hang up the phone...whatever you have to do. Make up an excuse...just get away from the situation. But as annoying as it is, you know the truth...your nuclear family is the most important thing to stay strong for. Don't let anything get in the way of that.
3. Drink. Don't over do it. Don't develop a problem, and if you have one, get help. There are resources. But for the love of Pete, let loose and have a little fun. Drink wine. Find a beer you like! We're in Germany right now, chances are, even if you haven't found a beer you liked before...you may be able to here! The same goes for hard liquor and drinks. Please drink responsibly. That means make sure you never drink and drive, ever. Taxis are a must. If you're going to drink with a group of friends, a DD is the best cheapest way to go but if no one volunteers, TAXI. They are abundant here. If you're drinking at a friends house, stay in...slumber party!!! Sounds like fun to me!! Do no risk anyone's life. Make this fun, not stupid. This all brings me to the next segment...
4. Do not listen to rumors. About anyone. But especially about yourself. And even more importantly, about your spouse. If you hear something, let it go...unless you can't. If you can't, ask your spouse DIRECTLY...not someone else. It’s important to live a clean life, above reproach, so make sure to follow the rule of accountability. That will put any rumors to rest. It will also help to discuss that with your spouse. If you are planning on going out even just to restaurants or something…it’s good to have a friend with you that you trust and will be a good witness. It’s more important if you’re going to a club or bar to have that, a group of friends is good also, friends that are honorable of course. If someone has to come to your house to, say, work on your car, or something…a man, have a friend there. That way no one can say, “A man was in your house!” etc. Accountability. It squashes rumors before they can start. That’s if you don’t work under the - “I don’t give a - “ - about rumors, of course. Don’t listen to rumors when it gets closer to the time of them coming back. When you hear official dates, believe it. Until then, don’t believe it. And even then…don’t tell your kids until you know for sure. Times and dates change regularly and you do not want disappointed crying kids. You also don’t want “is it time yet? Is it time yet? Now? Now? Now?!” every 30 minutes. It will drive you crazy and cause your anxiety to go through the roof. I promise.
5. Don’t be super woman. Because you're not. I mean most likely. I guess Super Woman might be reading this (Hey girl, heeyyyyy!) but...well...probably not. If you need help, ask for it. This one I know from personal experience. I was the "never says no" girl. Shh, don't start that rumor {see #4}. You need me to organize and entire Christmas in September semi-Formal before a deployment with a woman that had a Gastric Bypass the month prior? Just me and her to do the whole thing? Sure, we'll do it! You need me to watch your kids? Okay! Cut your grass? Sure! FRG treasurer, POC, CO-leader? OK! Would you like me to shine-your-shoes-wipe-your-nose-rub-your-belly also? There was more. I did it all. That particular deployment I hit major burn out. (This was deployment #3...you'd think I would have learned by then...that's a not so much). I ran myself into the ground and I hit full force. I ignored every single rule except one I'll get to later (one you've all heard which is why I haven't even mentioned it yet). Here comes a hard admission. Are you ready? I wound up checking myself into a place called Lighthouse. It was a psychiatric evaluation unit. I have no shame in this, it's just not something I typically blast. The reason I am is because it's important. IF YOU NEED HELP, GET HELP. This was a 15month deployment. I crashed and burned in month 14. I could not do it any more and when I hit, I hit hard. All those people I helped? They couldn't find the time to help me at that point...and the few that could...well by the time they realized I needed help I was beyond their help. This specific deployment saw several suicides of spouses at the post I was at. I assume it was similar reasons, but I don't know for sure. Again. You are not Super Woman. If you need a break, TAKE ONE. If you need someone to take your kids for a couple of hours, ASK. If you need help GET HELP! (I told you I wasn't going to hide or sugar coat things...)
6. Go on trips! If you’re afraid to go alone, don’t. Go in groups, car pool, caravan or go with MWR. We have a unique and special opportunity being here. This is an awesome time to travel and be able to experience things. Take this time to explore!!
7. This one is hard. Try not to begrudge someone else for having their spouse home. As hard as it will be, try not to make someone else feel bad that their husband is home just because yours isn’t. Believe me, this may come up. I have seen it...and the way that things are right now...I can see it becoming an issue. I personally would never wish anyone's child to be without their Father. While I'm aware that it happens and it happens daily, I would never wish it on anyone. If my child has to be without her Father, well it sucks, but I'm glad that our friends get to have theirs home. Plus if I have any heavy lifting done, I know who to call. It's a hard mindset to get into. But being Bitter Bessy never helped anyone and that kind of attitude hurts everyone, including the children but especially friendships.
8. Don’t burn bridges but know when to be strong enough to end friendships that are toxic. Had I followed this simple rule, my little 72hour jaunt to the nut-hut may not have happened. Toxic friendships have no need to continue. Everyone knows what they look like. If you don't, watch Mean Girls. Actually there are a lot of Hollywood movies with examples of toxic friendships. But you all know what I'm talking about, I'm sure you can take a look around yourselves, look at some past relationships of your own. I have a strong belief in not burning bridges. There is no reason to destroy another human being. You can end a friendship without destroying someone. You don't have to tear someone down to lose contact. Google ways to end friendships, try adding the word "etiquette"...it makes a difference. Yes, I Googled it myself. No, I'm not linking it. You know why? Cause you can do it yourself. (inside joke hehehe)
9. Try to keep things as light as possible when talking to your spouse. As hard as it may be do not ALWAYS make things doom and gloom. Of course tell him if things really are wrong but if things are horrible every time he calls his head will not be in the game and that could put him in danger. If at all possible, when there are problems...try to make it more of a..."this is what happened and this is how I solved it..." kind of thing. If that's possible. If it's not possible, that's okay too. That's not always possible. Also, write emails! Lots of emails! If your kids are old enough, let them also! Even if you don't have much to say. Anything. The new episode of Desperate Housewives was good? Tell him. He doesn't care? So what, he likes getting mail. We have free APO to APO. Write him letters. Lots of letters. Letters are probably better than emails, really. Physical mail...touching things. A little spray of perfume...Perfection!!
10. Pick a day...once a month, once every 2 months...once a week...whatever you're comfortable with...and pamper yourself. However you want. Get a massage. See a movie. Go to dinner with your girlfriends. Go dancing. Get your hair done. Get your nails done. Get a tattoo (what, I'm the only one that sees that as pampering!?!??). Take a really long bubble bath with candles and music. Whatever makes you say, "Ahhhhhhhh...." and relaxes you. Ooooh, karaoke night!! I have friends that love that. Sidetracked. A you day. We do things to distract our children regularly. Kids having an off day? To the park! Kids having a bad day? A toy will help! The kid misses Daddy? Oh let's watch a movie! Well what about Mommy?
11. Don’t watch the news. If you can avoid it…do. Our news access isn’t so bad because we have a very varied channel but it’s still not something I’d recommend. I nearly drove myself crazy during OIF1. I was glued to the TV. As a matter of fact, I learned that 101st as a Division had orders from the news (as did most of 101st lol). I also learned when the war started from the news. When we declared war to begin with. The list goes on. All of that was at the mall, I might add. I stopped going into the Gyro shop for their cheap diet Coke cause their TV was always on CNN and it was always in there that we found stuff out. Bad news I tell you.
12. Obviously, stay busy. This one everyone will tell you. You've heard this one so many times you could say it in your sleep. You're probably sick of hearing it. OIF1 my friend and I began organizing mini rallies. Support The Troops rallies. All over Clarksville, TN. We stood outside the gates with signs, we posted all over AOL (yes, that's how long ago it was) and Friendster (yup, that's how long ago it was) and we would go stand outside the US Cav store or right outside the gates with whoever would show up. Sometimes people would just pull over and stand out there with us. Eventually we planned a major nation wide rally, Operation Yellow Ribbon. It happened all over, across the country, and our part was in Washington DC. That's how we stayed busy through the first deployment we went through. Planning kept us busy through the time that we didn't know anything about what was happening, there was no contact for MONTHS. There were no phone lines, no internet connections. They lucky guys were sleeping in their trucks, the unlucky ones were digging holes to sleep in, then driving at very slow paces from the port to wherever their final destinations may be. It was dangerous and painstakingly slow. We stayed busy, alright. But not like I did later on.
Let me end by saying, Lighthouse wasn't scary at all. It wasn't a Girl, Interrupted or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest type of place. It was very clean and pretty nice. The beds were the worst part, they were about as comfortable as the Army loaner beds we got in housing here. The food was spectacular, I was a Vegetarian at the time so I got *special food (I'm special, psh)...and I was finally diagnosed with PTSD and got the help I needed for those issues. I have been dealing with the issues I've had with PTSD (from childhood trauma) in non- healthy ways. Now I not only know how to say no, but I stand up for myself, not just other people (I've always been the anti-bully bully, I bully bullies lol). I wouldn't change where I went for anything...I just wish I'd gotten there in a different manner, I guess. It was a mostly Military facility. There was one guy in there that was...a little scary...but he was a Vietnam Vet, homeless, and they had him in there because he had demetia and it was winter. When he had a lucid moment he was BRILLIANT. When he didn't...he was a tad scary. But all the shelters were full, the aide was telling me about it.
At any rate...please direct any questions to my inbox...comments, feel free to leave anywhere :)
June 20, 2011
Schoooool and such
I haven't blogged in a while and an a lot has happened.
My Uncle and his wife had their baby last night! June 19th, 2011. Fathers Day. SO exciting!! He is damn beautiful and when Pete finally got the pictures up I started crying...I'm a slight emotional mess because it's only times like these that I hate being all far...on the other side of the world and all of that. Damn Germany. I'll get to see the baby when he's a bit bigger I guess...so that'll be fun. That's what I tell myself anyways.
Next...Saturday we went to Berlin to see Sir Elton John preform!! An acquaintance had tickets that they couldn't use and they gave them to us. It was very spur of the moment, Taylor had a Birthday slumber party so everything just fell into place. We got up there about an hour and a half early and decided just to go into the venue after taking a few pictures of this really cool art/graffiti that was across from our walk. Come to find out the art on the wall that was blocking the river was on the last main remaining 1.3km (largest remaining portion according to the stuff I can find anyways) of the Berlin Wall. It's pretty silly that we didn't know that I guess...but like I said, we had no idea where we were, really. I kind of had guessed that when we were in the rough area of town on our way in that we were in the former East Berlin just from the description that Micha had given me but I really didn't know...then as soon as we crossed the River Spree, things perked right back up and looked dramatically different. It was weird. It almost felt different. East Berlin used to be Communist Germany (for those of you that don't know your history....or have forgotten, like I had and need a refresher) and I swear you could feel that still just sort of hanging in the air. Once we crossed the river it felt lighter. I swear to you. Pictures on my FB. The show was AMAZING. I tried to upload the videos I took of Tiny Dancer and Benny & the Jets but it was going to take 6 hours because our net connection is slow...so maybe another day I'll have 6 hours to mess with the computer. I'm sure I will. So far I haven't. I loved every single moment of the show and the entire trip. So awesome!!!
I'm trying to figure out school now. Some of the classes are up, the rest will be up the end of the month. I know I'm taking English to get it out of the way and I think I'm taking Spanish. I decided that no matter how confusing it is with my 5 years of French...it's going to be important to my career. So I'm just going to do it. Take 1 class every semester until I'm fluent-ish. I had intended on taking German...but...well...ya know, Spanish will come in handy for the rest of my life and German would just come in handy for the next couple of years. I know that sounds terrible but it's true. I'm awful. I'm picking up on a few German words, enough to not seem completely ignorant...so I guess that's good. I need one more class. I don't know what to take. Sociology 100 would be good since I'm a Soc major...I need a Humanities class, which would be fun...I need a History based class, which I like (if they offer one, I can take a History based Humanities class and knock 'em both out, it says!). I need to take my Math class at some point but I'd rather not right now. I'm trying to make it one awful class at a time and plain English counts as an awful class.
Okay...back to...doing stuff I guess. Hope everyone has a lovely Monday.
Word.
My Uncle and his wife had their baby last night! June 19th, 2011. Fathers Day. SO exciting!! He is damn beautiful and when Pete finally got the pictures up I started crying...I'm a slight emotional mess because it's only times like these that I hate being all far...on the other side of the world and all of that. Damn Germany. I'll get to see the baby when he's a bit bigger I guess...so that'll be fun. That's what I tell myself anyways.
Next...Saturday we went to Berlin to see Sir Elton John preform!! An acquaintance had tickets that they couldn't use and they gave them to us. It was very spur of the moment, Taylor had a Birthday slumber party so everything just fell into place. We got up there about an hour and a half early and decided just to go into the venue after taking a few pictures of this really cool art/graffiti that was across from our walk. Come to find out the art on the wall that was blocking the river was on the last main remaining 1.3km (largest remaining portion according to the stuff I can find anyways) of the Berlin Wall. It's pretty silly that we didn't know that I guess...but like I said, we had no idea where we were, really. I kind of had guessed that when we were in the rough area of town on our way in that we were in the former East Berlin just from the description that Micha had given me but I really didn't know...then as soon as we crossed the River Spree, things perked right back up and looked dramatically different. It was weird. It almost felt different. East Berlin used to be Communist Germany (for those of you that don't know your history....or have forgotten, like I had and need a refresher) and I swear you could feel that still just sort of hanging in the air. Once we crossed the river it felt lighter. I swear to you. Pictures on my FB. The show was AMAZING. I tried to upload the videos I took of Tiny Dancer and Benny & the Jets but it was going to take 6 hours because our net connection is slow...so maybe another day I'll have 6 hours to mess with the computer. I'm sure I will. So far I haven't. I loved every single moment of the show and the entire trip. So awesome!!!
I'm trying to figure out school now. Some of the classes are up, the rest will be up the end of the month. I know I'm taking English to get it out of the way and I think I'm taking Spanish. I decided that no matter how confusing it is with my 5 years of French...it's going to be important to my career. So I'm just going to do it. Take 1 class every semester until I'm fluent-ish. I had intended on taking German...but...well...ya know, Spanish will come in handy for the rest of my life and German would just come in handy for the next couple of years. I know that sounds terrible but it's true. I'm awful. I'm picking up on a few German words, enough to not seem completely ignorant...so I guess that's good. I need one more class. I don't know what to take. Sociology 100 would be good since I'm a Soc major...I need a Humanities class, which would be fun...I need a History based class, which I like (if they offer one, I can take a History based Humanities class and knock 'em both out, it says!). I need to take my Math class at some point but I'd rather not right now. I'm trying to make it one awful class at a time and plain English counts as an awful class.
Okay...back to...doing stuff I guess. Hope everyone has a lovely Monday.
Word.
May 4, 2011
VENT
First, clearly I didn't do so well with the 30 days thing. Oh well, what can ya do. I blame school. Things got crazy with school there for a while and nothing else was happening. All school, all the time.
Today I took a friend to her u/s to find out the sex of her baby. YAY!! She's having a healthy baby boy!! Everyone is having boys this year with the exception of just a couple girls. I swear it's mostly boys though. It's nuts!! It was really cool, her Doctor explained so much more than any American Doc has ever explained about an u/s I've ever been too. Very in depth.
Right before we got there I got a text from Daniel informing me that someone* in his chain of command told him that from now on he was responsible for driving some OTHER random guy new guy to and from work. Okay whatever. He lives about 10 minutes out of the way but whatever, that's what "orders" are all about, you enlist, you get told what to do. This someone* then proceeded to tell him that I would be responsible for driving this soldiers family around, wherever they need to go. EXCUSE ME?!?
Now, I am a very nice person. I have done just this for people that don't have their cars here yet or don't have their licenses my one neighbor who had surgery on her knee and can't drive her manual car.
BUT.
BUT...
I wasn't ordered to do so. My husband wasn't ordered to tell me to do so. Maybe there are marriages where this is normal, maybe there are chain of commands where this would be business as usual or whatever. But this is not how my marriage or how my life will be working. We have been here for 7 months and I have not met this someone*. I haven't gotten a phone call. Not that I'd expect to at all. But that's all that a situation like this would require to be a go. A little phone call maybe. A simple, "Ms. Seely, would you mind..." would go a long way.
Last time I checked, I didn't enlist. I am more than willing to help out where help is needed, especially in emergency situations. During the last field exercise I took the above mentioned friend and her baby to the ER because he had a shockingly high fever. That was the first time we met, she didn't have her license yet. It was not an issue at all, I'd do it again in a heartbeat if she needed it, same with these people or anyone really. But this whole situation makes me completely INSANE.
What it boils down to is respect. I don't feel like I am being respected. I feel like this someone* is throwing around his rank and maybe used to getting what he wants from whoever at any time because of his rank. Maybe people are intimidated into doing what he wants...he's not that high ranking...like...like...well just not that high. I'd respect his rank, I guess, if he respected me as a person, which he has proven that he doesn't. I asked Danny for clarification on wording twice to make sure that my annoyance was justified. I'm obviously not going to say anything to anyone unless need be, and I don't think that need will present itself, but...wow. I feel extremely dehumanized. Who the hell does he think he is? I know who he thinks he is...but he ain't my Daddy.
I just want to act 5 and say, "You're not the boss of me neiner neiner neiner" and slap him.
Of course I won't do that, because I'm 30 going on 40. But I'm also not going to bow down to anyone. And if he'd ever taken the time to meet me he'd know that. All day I've been wandering around mumbling, "try to tell me what to do, psh"...most people that actually know me know that I'm not a rebel, exactly, just kind of...strong willed...very Aries-ish. If you want me to do something make me feel needed or make me feel like it was my idea or chances are, it's not getting done. Sometimes guilt works but usually it just pisses me off but straight up telling me to do it REALLY pisses me off. And the absolute wrong way to go about doing something is trying to tell my husband to make me do something. Bahahahaha...I am NOT the "to love and obey" kind of spouse. I'm the Princess Diana kind of, leave out that obey and I'm in. Obey is outdated and verging on abusive, I'm not property. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Did I mention Aries? The Ram? Yeah. And I'm still pretty angry about this. I'm not sure that this venting thing is really working.
Stupid someone*. All this * is because I am protecting the jackassery. Not innocent, no no. And not stupid. I'm sure he's a smart guy. Maybe he's single. Or maybe his wife is the obeying type. Who knows. Good for him if she is. Poor Danny lol...poor poor Danny.
BAH.
I am going to watch more Pinky & Brain and drink fizzy water and mutter to myself "try to tell me what to do stupid son of a beetch who the hell does he think he is I don't need a new Daddy psh he can go..."
Goodnight!
Word.
Today I took a friend to her u/s to find out the sex of her baby. YAY!! She's having a healthy baby boy!! Everyone is having boys this year with the exception of just a couple girls. I swear it's mostly boys though. It's nuts!! It was really cool, her Doctor explained so much more than any American Doc has ever explained about an u/s I've ever been too. Very in depth.
Right before we got there I got a text from Daniel informing me that someone* in his chain of command told him that from now on he was responsible for driving some OTHER random guy new guy to and from work. Okay whatever. He lives about 10 minutes out of the way but whatever, that's what "orders" are all about, you enlist, you get told what to do. This someone* then proceeded to tell him that I would be responsible for driving this soldiers family around, wherever they need to go. EXCUSE ME?!?
Now, I am a very nice person. I have done just this for people that don't have their cars here yet or don't have their licenses my one neighbor who had surgery on her knee and can't drive her manual car.
BUT.
BUT...
I wasn't ordered to do so. My husband wasn't ordered to tell me to do so. Maybe there are marriages where this is normal, maybe there are chain of commands where this would be business as usual or whatever. But this is not how my marriage or how my life will be working. We have been here for 7 months and I have not met this someone*. I haven't gotten a phone call. Not that I'd expect to at all. But that's all that a situation like this would require to be a go. A little phone call maybe. A simple, "Ms. Seely, would you mind..." would go a long way.
Last time I checked, I didn't enlist. I am more than willing to help out where help is needed, especially in emergency situations. During the last field exercise I took the above mentioned friend and her baby to the ER because he had a shockingly high fever. That was the first time we met, she didn't have her license yet. It was not an issue at all, I'd do it again in a heartbeat if she needed it, same with these people or anyone really. But this whole situation makes me completely INSANE.
What it boils down to is respect. I don't feel like I am being respected. I feel like this someone* is throwing around his rank and maybe used to getting what he wants from whoever at any time because of his rank. Maybe people are intimidated into doing what he wants...he's not that high ranking...like...like...well just not that high. I'd respect his rank, I guess, if he respected me as a person, which he has proven that he doesn't. I asked Danny for clarification on wording twice to make sure that my annoyance was justified. I'm obviously not going to say anything to anyone unless need be, and I don't think that need will present itself, but...wow. I feel extremely dehumanized. Who the hell does he think he is? I know who he thinks he is...but he ain't my Daddy.
I just want to act 5 and say, "You're not the boss of me neiner neiner neiner" and slap him.
Of course I won't do that, because I'm 30 going on 40. But I'm also not going to bow down to anyone. And if he'd ever taken the time to meet me he'd know that. All day I've been wandering around mumbling, "try to tell me what to do, psh"...most people that actually know me know that I'm not a rebel, exactly, just kind of...strong willed...very Aries-ish. If you want me to do something make me feel needed or make me feel like it was my idea or chances are, it's not getting done. Sometimes guilt works but usually it just pisses me off but straight up telling me to do it REALLY pisses me off. And the absolute wrong way to go about doing something is trying to tell my husband to make me do something. Bahahahaha...I am NOT the "to love and obey" kind of spouse. I'm the Princess Diana kind of, leave out that obey and I'm in. Obey is outdated and verging on abusive, I'm not property. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Did I mention Aries? The Ram? Yeah. And I'm still pretty angry about this. I'm not sure that this venting thing is really working.
Stupid someone*. All this * is because I am protecting the jackassery. Not innocent, no no. And not stupid. I'm sure he's a smart guy. Maybe he's single. Or maybe his wife is the obeying type. Who knows. Good for him if she is. Poor Danny lol...poor poor Danny.
BAH.
I am going to watch more Pinky & Brain and drink fizzy water and mutter to myself "try to tell me what to do stupid son of a beetch who the hell does he think he is I don't need a new Daddy psh he can go..."
Goodnight!
Word.
April 18, 2011
Day #2
Today's challenge is a picture of myself and the person that I have been the closest with the longest. That's tricky. There are a lot of people that I have been close with for a very long time. But I'm going to have to stick with the one that I always turn to when I feel like I am going to break or when things are the best.
I still remember the night like it was yesterday even thought it was 1996...Korn had played so loud my ears were ringing. I had just colored my hair and inky purple and my ears and sides of my face matched. Luckily it was dark inside the Saltair. After the show, Ian, Ryan and I were waiting outside for our ride when the guys spotted their friend, Chad. They started talking to him. Chad was there with his friend Alisha. She and started talking. The rest is history.
Yes, I met my BFF at a Korn concert.
Yes, I met my BFF at a Korn concert.
30 by 30/day 1
Since I turned 30 today I decided to do the 30 day challenge even though pretty much everyone has past that but whatever, I decided to wait till now cause it just made sense. So here goes.
This is a picture of me, from today. My smile is totally cheesy, forced and all.
Ten Facts-
1. Utah is the Beehive State. That's why my cake was shaped like a Beehive. I'm perpetually homesick.
2. My hair is longer right now than it has been in...since before my lung collapsed...whenever that was...2008? I always have VERY short hair.
3. I am enrolled in 4 year college for the first time ever...at 30. Better late than never.
4. I am currently watching Without A Paddle for the first time ever. Surprising. It's hilarious.
5. If someone would have told me how loud both Bulldogs and Great Danes snore I may have rethought at least one of the breeds...probably not.
6. I am obsessed with shopping online. I don't always buy the things I put into carts, it's like window shopping...only online. It's because I can't actually go into Target anymore I guess.
7. I have to write a 10 page paper in APA format in 7 days. That's not too difficult I guess. I should have been working on it in the past few weeks but my medication has been making me loopy it's been impossible to focus. Ew.
8. I also have finals coming the end of this month. Double ew.
9. I should be sleeping. Fact.
10. This is a LOT harder than I thought it would be.
I was prepared to write more of a blog but I was distracted by the movie and stuff and it's now almost 3am so I'm just going to have to end this and write day 2 today/tomorrow whatever.
Word.
Ten Facts-
1. Utah is the Beehive State. That's why my cake was shaped like a Beehive. I'm perpetually homesick.
2. My hair is longer right now than it has been in...since before my lung collapsed...whenever that was...2008? I always have VERY short hair.
3. I am enrolled in 4 year college for the first time ever...at 30. Better late than never.
4. I am currently watching Without A Paddle for the first time ever. Surprising. It's hilarious.
5. If someone would have told me how loud both Bulldogs and Great Danes snore I may have rethought at least one of the breeds...probably not.
6. I am obsessed with shopping online. I don't always buy the things I put into carts, it's like window shopping...only online. It's because I can't actually go into Target anymore I guess.
7. I have to write a 10 page paper in APA format in 7 days. That's not too difficult I guess. I should have been working on it in the past few weeks but my medication has been making me loopy it's been impossible to focus. Ew.
8. I also have finals coming the end of this month. Double ew.
9. I should be sleeping. Fact.
10. This is a LOT harder than I thought it would be.
I was prepared to write more of a blog but I was distracted by the movie and stuff and it's now almost 3am so I'm just going to have to end this and write day 2 today/tomorrow whatever.
Word.
February 7, 2011
more
This weekend we went to Amberg. I posted pics on my FB. Everyone had been except me and Taylor so it was all new to us. I learned that getting stuff for my pretend salon was EXPENSIVE. But the Sally's here sells professional products, so that was nice. I was able to get some TiGi stuff but they didn't have the color line, which wasn't super surprising. I ended up getting X Pro brand stuff along with L'Oreal Maji colors. TiGi used to use the L'Oreal line so I'm pretty familiar with it too. I'm very excited about all of this though. I figure I'll put my schooling to use. It's not going to be a real salon, of course. Just somewhere I can do my friends hair. But long story short, it was $173. Whoa. I did get a big bucket of bleach and a ton of color. I should only need to buy specific colors if someone wants something I don't have and maybe developer later. So that's not bad at all. I keep telling myself. I love doing hair so I guess in reality it's not terrible. It provides me the ability to do it.
We also stopped and got a new couch. I'll post a pic down there at the bottom, along with an updated picture of Jax. We just got new ones yesterday. We also got word that we get to pick him up on the 5th of March. A little bit later than I had initially thought but I think it's good that this particular kennel likes to keep the pups with their Mom's until they are 10 weeks old. It gives them a better head start, I'm sure. The woman I am dealing with is the Vice President of the Great Dane Kennel Club of Germany so I'm guessing she knows what she is doing. I'm excited about the new couch, we made sure that we got one with room for Jax. The salesman kept saying we could train him not to get onto the furniture when we were asking which couches were sturdy. No thank you. I want to cuddle with him all the time and I don't want to sit on the floor, so why should he. I'm totally going to break this puppy but he's going to love me and be well behaved so it's okay. I really hope he's like Ollie and I broke him so it should work. I hope that he and Ollie are BFF's too, when we get back to the states.
I started school today. I had two assignments. I finished one. They're due the 13th so I didn't even look at the second one. I will. I just wanted to give myself a minute. I'm a little anxious. About everything. So it's best to take baby steps for me. Once I get a little more into the swing of things I'll be more apt to get into the assignments right when they are posted. And...honestly...once I actually enjoy the class I'm taking. I'm not really into this class. And I'm not really into Biology which is my next class. But Philosophy will be wonderful, I know it. I am so excited about my field of choice. I am going to seriously enjoy every bit of this. I know I'm old. I understand that I waited so long because I just couldn't find time and I was just not medicated enough to be able to do it, I think. Not well anyways. But I also hadn't really developed my own personality. I think had I got to college right out of highschool I probably would have chose something less suited for adult me. I wanted to major in English and minor in French. I still like both of those courses but...well...what exactly did I want to do with that? Cause there's not a lot that can be done. Now I have developed to the point that I know exactly what interests me. I know exactly who I want to be. I want to help people, teenagers in particular. I want them to see me and know I'm like them, just a person. I'm not some fancy psychologist of social worker. I'm a human with human flaws. I really think I can connect and help them in ways that maybe other people couldn't. Teenagers think I'm cool. I have met a lot that are just immediately smitten with me. Not in a "in love with" type of way but just in a "wow she's cool, when I grow up I can be like that!" I'm not saying these things to sound cocky because Lord knows, I'm not. But from a teenage perspective I am pretty cool. I have tattoos and current hair and I talk to them life people, not like children or as if they are lesser than me. I really believe that I can make a difference and I am so excited to be able to try. The major in Sociology is because it will help me understand different backgrounds. Where people are coming from. Religions, cultures, all of the things that make us who we are even if we don't want them to. I was thinking of majoring in Psychology but I know that with a minor I'll have enough of what I need to do what I want. I already understand teenage psychology a lot more than some.
So yes. A new couch, a lot of hair color, school and a puppy. Exploring! Always exploring. Next weekend I am hoping for Bayreuth. Cross fingers!! I know I've said that before but things keep coming up. This time I really want to make it happen. Danny wants to go to Nuremburg because there is a castle there. I am all for castles but...Bayreuth has a haunted graveyard!!!
In other news, my dog ate my Kindle. So I need to get a new one. NEED. Stella is the worst dog in the universe. Never get an English Bulldog. I repeat, English Bulldogs are EVIL.
I thought I would mention. I have become obsessed with light blue nail polish. I would like to find some sky blue polish. I got a China Glaze color called For Audrey and I swear it is Tiffany blue but I want something lighter. So just know that within a short while baby blue will be the color that everyone wants. This is how it happens with me. I'm finally just going to say it, predict it. I have a knack. I get obsessed with a color of an item and can't find it anywhere. Within a short while it is EVERYWHERE and of course I don't want it anymore. So there is my fashion related prophecy.
Alright, so here are my pictures. Do enjoy!
So I guess that is all for today. I need to do some wonderful online shopping, order a few things I can't find here. Hope everyone has a lovely week!!
Word.
We also stopped and got a new couch. I'll post a pic down there at the bottom, along with an updated picture of Jax. We just got new ones yesterday. We also got word that we get to pick him up on the 5th of March. A little bit later than I had initially thought but I think it's good that this particular kennel likes to keep the pups with their Mom's until they are 10 weeks old. It gives them a better head start, I'm sure. The woman I am dealing with is the Vice President of the Great Dane Kennel Club of Germany so I'm guessing she knows what she is doing. I'm excited about the new couch, we made sure that we got one with room for Jax. The salesman kept saying we could train him not to get onto the furniture when we were asking which couches were sturdy. No thank you. I want to cuddle with him all the time and I don't want to sit on the floor, so why should he. I'm totally going to break this puppy but he's going to love me and be well behaved so it's okay. I really hope he's like Ollie and I broke him so it should work. I hope that he and Ollie are BFF's too, when we get back to the states.
I started school today. I had two assignments. I finished one. They're due the 13th so I didn't even look at the second one. I will. I just wanted to give myself a minute. I'm a little anxious. About everything. So it's best to take baby steps for me. Once I get a little more into the swing of things I'll be more apt to get into the assignments right when they are posted. And...honestly...once I actually enjoy the class I'm taking. I'm not really into this class. And I'm not really into Biology which is my next class. But Philosophy will be wonderful, I know it. I am so excited about my field of choice. I am going to seriously enjoy every bit of this. I know I'm old. I understand that I waited so long because I just couldn't find time and I was just not medicated enough to be able to do it, I think. Not well anyways. But I also hadn't really developed my own personality. I think had I got to college right out of highschool I probably would have chose something less suited for adult me. I wanted to major in English and minor in French. I still like both of those courses but...well...what exactly did I want to do with that? Cause there's not a lot that can be done. Now I have developed to the point that I know exactly what interests me. I know exactly who I want to be. I want to help people, teenagers in particular. I want them to see me and know I'm like them, just a person. I'm not some fancy psychologist of social worker. I'm a human with human flaws. I really think I can connect and help them in ways that maybe other people couldn't. Teenagers think I'm cool. I have met a lot that are just immediately smitten with me. Not in a "in love with" type of way but just in a "wow she's cool, when I grow up I can be like that!" I'm not saying these things to sound cocky because Lord knows, I'm not. But from a teenage perspective I am pretty cool. I have tattoos and current hair and I talk to them life people, not like children or as if they are lesser than me. I really believe that I can make a difference and I am so excited to be able to try. The major in Sociology is because it will help me understand different backgrounds. Where people are coming from. Religions, cultures, all of the things that make us who we are even if we don't want them to. I was thinking of majoring in Psychology but I know that with a minor I'll have enough of what I need to do what I want. I already understand teenage psychology a lot more than some.
So yes. A new couch, a lot of hair color, school and a puppy. Exploring! Always exploring. Next weekend I am hoping for Bayreuth. Cross fingers!! I know I've said that before but things keep coming up. This time I really want to make it happen. Danny wants to go to Nuremburg because there is a castle there. I am all for castles but...Bayreuth has a haunted graveyard!!!
In other news, my dog ate my Kindle. So I need to get a new one. NEED. Stella is the worst dog in the universe. Never get an English Bulldog. I repeat, English Bulldogs are EVIL.
I thought I would mention. I have become obsessed with light blue nail polish. I would like to find some sky blue polish. I got a China Glaze color called For Audrey and I swear it is Tiffany blue but I want something lighter. So just know that within a short while baby blue will be the color that everyone wants. This is how it happens with me. I'm finally just going to say it, predict it. I have a knack. I get obsessed with a color of an item and can't find it anywhere. Within a short while it is EVERYWHERE and of course I don't want it anymore. So there is my fashion related prophecy.
Alright, so here are my pictures. Do enjoy!
 |
| None of the matching furniture, we chose a dark brown leather recliner. |
 |
| Izaiah Jax Teller, 6 weeks old....SO CUTE!! |
 |
| Jaxy poo. Look at that wrinkly nose and those giant paws! |
 |
| Amberg |
 | ||
| Amberg, how cool is that?? |
So I guess that is all for today. I need to do some wonderful online shopping, order a few things I can't find here. Hope everyone has a lovely week!!
Word.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)